A Difficult Teaching For Believing Wives -

What An Abused Believing Wife Should Do

By Isaac Aluochier

All scriptural quotations are from the World English Bible available at http://www.ebible.org/bible/WEB/. "Yah'shuah" is a Hebrew rendition of "Jesus". There is a follow on article to this one, titled Discussion on "A Difficult Teaching For Believing Wives".

CONTENTS

  1. Should A Wife Depart From Her Husband?
  2. A Wife Put Away From Her Husband Is Potentially An Adulteress
  3. Wives Should Patiently Endure Unjust Suffering At Their Husbands' Hands
  4. Why A Wife Should Do Good Works
  5. Subject Yourself To Every Ordinance Of Man
  6. Be Subject To Your Husband
  7. Be Subject To Your Husband Even If He Is Wicked
  8. Endure Pain Patiently While Suffering At The Hands Of Your Husband
  9. It Is Your Calling To Endure Pain While Suffering Unjustly At The Hands Of Your Husband
  10. Follow Christ's Example Of How To Patiently Endure Pain While Suffering Unjustly
  11. You May Gain Your Husband To Obedience To The Word Through Your Pure Behaviour
  12. Facets Of Pure Behaviour
  13. Questions You Need To Answer With Respect To Your Relationship With Your Husband
  14. Blessed Are You When Your Husband Persecutes You For Righteousness' Sake
  15. Love And Pray For Your Husband, Even When He Persecutes You And Is Your Enemy
  16. When Your Husband Is Persecuting You To Death, Flee From Him!
  17. Do Not Stumble Out Of Christ's Word On Account Of Persecution At Your Husband's Hand
  18. When Your Husband Is Persecuting You To Bloodshed, Flee From Him!
  19. Remain Together With Your Husband Until The Time That He Is Persecuting You To Death
  20. Matters To Consider With Respect To Your Persecution At The Hands Of Your Husband
  21. Are All Wives Who Profess To Follow Christ Truly His Disciples?
  22. Remain In Christ's Word
  23. Love Your Husband
  24. Bear Much Fruit For The Father
  25. Remain In Christ To Avoid Being Cast Into The Fire
  26. Matters To Consider With Respect To Following Christ
  27. Don't Tear Apart Your Marriage When Yahweh Has Joined It
  28. Christ's Words To Wives Is Difficult To Follow

Dear Sister

Your matter has not left my mind since we spoke. And seeing you were not forthcoming with the details of your situation it is indeed very difficult to comment helpfully in detail. Nevertheless, as you are a sister I will comment as best as I can under the circumstances.

Should A Wife Depart From Her Husband?

Is it proper for a wife to depart from her husband? If so, under what circumstances? If not, why not?

I will share my understanding on these matters. I hope you will respond with your feedback.

A Wife Put Away From Her Husband Is Potentially An Adulteress

Matthew 5:31-32 reads,

5:31"It was also said, ‘Whoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorce,’ 5:32but I tell you that whoever who puts away his wife, except for the cause of sexual immorality, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries her when she is put away commits adultery.

It is my understanding that adultery is committed when a wife has sex with an entity other than her husband. Therefore for a woman to be an adulteress she must indeed be in a situation of having sex with an entity other than her husband. Therefore the man who puts away his wife puts her in a situation whereby she is likely to have sex with an entity other than her husband, and by so doing is responsible for her adultery.

Seeing that Yahweh forbids adultery he forbids a man from putting away his wife, except for the cause of "Greek: porneia" or "English: sexual immorality, idolatry, rebellion, witchcraft, divination, sorcery, stubbornness, familiar spiritism, etc". If you are not guilty of "porneia" then your husband has no basis in Yahweh's word to put you away.

Are you guilty of "porneia"?

I don't know the answer to this question, but you should do, seeing that you are the one familiar with your situation. For if you are guilty of "porneia" you are indeed giving your husband valid ground to put you away!

Wives Should Patiently Endure Unjust Suffering At Their Husbands' Hands

1 Peter 2:11-3:6 reads,

2:11Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, to abstain from fleshly lust, which war against the soul; 2:12having good behavior among the nations, so in that which they speak against you as evil-doers, they may by your good works, which they see, glorify God in the day of visitation. 2:13Therefore subject yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether to the king, as supreme; 2:14or to governors, as sent by him for vengeance on evil-doers and for praise to those who do well. 2:15For so is the will of God, that by well-doing you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish men: 2:16as free, and not using your freedom for a cloak of wickedness, but as bondservants of God. 2:17Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king. 2:18Servants, be in subjection to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the wicked. 2:19For it is commendable if someone endures pain, suffering unjustly, because of conscience toward God. 2:20For what glory is it, if, when you sin, you patiently endure beating? But if, when you do well, you patiently endure suffering, this is commendable with God. 2:21For to this were you called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow his steps, 2:22who did not sin, "neither was deceit found in his mouth." 2:23Who, when he was reviled, didn’t revile back. When he suffered, didn’t threaten, but committed himself to him who judges righteously; 2:24who his own self bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live to righteousness; by whose stripes you were healed. 2:25For you were going astray like sheep; but are now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

3:1In like manner, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; so that, even if any don’t obey the Word, they may be gained by the behavior of their wives without a word; 3:2seeing your pure behavior in fear. 3:3Let your beauty be not just the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on fine clothing; 3:4but in the hidden person of the heart, in the incorruptible adornment of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God very precious. 3:5For this is how the holy women before, who hoped in God, also adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands: 3:6as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose children you now are, if you do well, and are not put in fear by any terror.

Why A Wife Should Do Good Works

2:12 shows us that we should do good works that those who see them may glorify Yahweh, not necessarily now, but in the day of visitation.

Subject Yourself To Every Ordinance Of Man

2:13 shows us that to facilitate others glorifying Yahweh in the day of visitation we should subject ourselves to EVERY ordinance of MAN.

Be Subject To Your Husband

3:1 shows us that wives who are obedient to the Word should be in subjection to their own husband IN LIKE MANNER. That is in the manner that servants are to be in subjection to their own masters and in the manner that all who are obedient to the Word should be in subjection to every ordinance of man.

Be Subject To Your Husband Even If He Is Wicked

Seeing that 2:18 shows that servants should be in subjection to their masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the wicked, so also should wives be to their husbands. Wives obedient to the Word should therefore submit or be in subjection even to wicked husbands!

Endure Pain Patiently While Suffering At The Hands Of Your Husband

Seeing that 2:19-20 shows that it is commendable for a person to endure pain patiently while suffering unjustly, it is implied that wives obedient to the Word should endure pain patiently while suffering unjustly at the hands of their husband!

It Is Your Calling To Endure Pain While Suffering Unjustly At The Hands Of Your Husband

2:21 shows us that it is indeed our calling, those of us who profess to be obedient to the Word, to patiently endure pain while suffering unjustly. Therefore wives who are obedient to the Word should fulfil their calling by patiently enduring pain while suffering unjustly, even at the hands of their husbands, even wicked husbands disobedient to the Word.

Follow Christ's Example Of How To Patiently Endure Pain While Suffering Unjustly

2:21-23 shows us that we should follow Christ's example of how to patiently endure pain while suffering unjustly. We should not revile back when we are reviled. We should not threaten when we suffer unjustly through pain inflicted upon us. It therefore appears that wives obedient to the Word should not revile their disobedient husbands when their disobedient husbands revile them. Wives obedient to the Word should not threaten their disobedient husbands when their disobedient husbands inflict pain upon them causing them unjust suffering. Wives should instead in such circumstances, following Christ's example, commit themselves to Yahweh, the Righteous Judge. For Yahweh indeed sees their unjust suffering and will execute judgement for them in his own due time.

You May Gain Your Husband To Obedience To The Word Through Your Pure Behaviour

3:1-2 shows that husbands who are disobedient to the Word may be gained to obedience to the Word through the pure behaviour of their wives who are obedient to the Word. And such pure behaviour includes those wives being in subjection to these disobedient husbands.

Facets Of Pure Behaviour

3:3-6 elaborates on additional facets of wives' pure behaviour. Pure behaviour includes a wife having a gentle and quiet spirit, being in subjection to her husband, and manifesting that subjection by even calling him "lord" or "master" or "boss", thereby emulating Sarah's pure example.

Questions You Need To Answer With Respect To Your Relationship With Your Husband

Reviewing the comments above a number of matters need to be considered:

  1. When you do good works in your household, do you expect your husband to repay you for your good? Or do you do your good without expecting any return from your husband, instead looking for Yahweh's glorification by your husband and others seeing your good works in the day of visitation?
  2. Do you subject yourself to every ordinance of your husband to facilitate his glorifying Yahweh in the day of visitation?
  3. Are you in subjection to your husband, even if and when he behaves badly, harshly and wickedly?
  4. Do you patiently endure pain while suffering unjustly at the hands of your husband?
  5. Are you fulfilling your calling of patiently enduring pain while suffering unjustly at the hands of your husband?
  6. Are you following Christ's example of how to patiently endure pain while suffering unjustly at the hands of your husband?
  7. When your husband reviles you, do you revile back at him?
  8. When you suffer unjustly through the pain inflicted upon you by your husband do you threaten? If you threaten, have you already carried out your threat?
  9. Do you commit yourself to Yahweh, the Righteous Judge, when you suffer unjustly at the hands of your husband?
  10. Are you patient with Yahweh to execute his judgement for you in his own time on account of your unjust suffering?
  11. Do you desire to gain to obedience to the Word your husband who is not obedient to the Word?
  12. Do you behave purely in an effort and hope of gaining your husband to obedience to the Word?
  13. Do you have a gentle and quiet spirit?
  14. Are you in subjection to your husband?
  15. Do you manifest to your husband your subjection to him through your conduct, including calling him "lord" or "master" or "boss"?
  16. Do you desire to do well, thereby being called a child of Sarah?

Blessed Are You When Your Husband Persecutes You For Righteousness' Sake

Matthew 5:10-12 reads,

5:10Blessed are those who have been persecuted for righteousness’ sake,
For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

5:11"Blessed are you when people reproach you, persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 5:12Rejoice, and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven. For that is how they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

  1. Has your husband persecuted you for righteousness' sake?
  2. Has your husband reproached you, persecuted you and said all kinds of evil against you falsely, for Christ's sake?

Love And Pray For Your Husband, Even When He Persecutes You And Is Your Enemy

Matthew 5:43-48 reads,

5:43"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.’ 5:44But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 5:45that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. 5:46For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Don’t even the tax collectors do the same? 5:47If you only greet your friends, what more do you do than others? Don’t even the tax collectors do the same? 5:48Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.

  1. If your husband is your enemy, do you love him?
  2. If your husband curses you, do you bless him?
  3. If your husband hates you, do you do good to him?
  4. If your husband spitefully uses you and persecutes you, do you pray for him?
  5. Do you strive for perfection, even as the Father is perfect?

When Your Husband Is Persecuting You To Death, Flee From Him!

Matthew 10:21-23 reads,

10:21"Brother will deliver up brother to death, and the father his child. Children will rise up against parents, and cause them to be put to death. 10:22You will be hated by all men for my name’s sake, but he who endures to the end, the same will be saved. 10:23But when they persecute you in this city, flee into the next, for most assuredly I tell you, you will not have gone through the cities of Israel, until the Son of Man has come.

Christ's words show that the time to flee from one place to another in a time of persecution is when one is persecuted to death. In other words, his disciples are to try to preserve their lives when those lives are at risk. And the manner of preserving those lives is by their running away from the place of persecution or risk to life to a safer place.

  1. If your husband is persecuting you, is he persecuting you in a manner leading to death?
  2. If your husband is persecuting you in a manner leading to death, are you still in close proximity to your husband?

Do Not Stumble Out Of Christ's Word On Account Of Persecution At Your Husband's Hand

Matthew 13:18-21 reads,

13:18"Hear, then, the parable of the farmer. 13:19When anyone hears the word of the kingdom, and doesn’t understand it, the evil one comes, and snatches away that which has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown by the roadside. 13:20What was sown on the rocky places, this is he who hears the word, and immediately with joy receives it; 13:21yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while. When oppression or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he stumbles.

  1. Do you have root in yourself, being able to endure in the word of the kingdom, despite oppression or persecution arising on account of the Word?
  2. Has oppression or persecution on account of the Word arisen in your life, coming from your husband?
  3. Have you stumbled away from Christ's word or have you remained faithful to him despite the oppression or persecution that has arisen on account of the Word, oppression or persecution coming from your husband?

When Your Husband Is Persecuting You To Bloodshed, Flee From Him!

Matthew 23:34-35 reads,

23:34Therefore, behold, I send to you prophets, wise men, and scribes. Some of them will you kill and crucify; and some of them will you scourge in your synagogues, and persecute from city to city; 23:35that on you may come all the righteous blood shed on the earth, from the blood of Abel the righteous to the blood of Zachariah son of Barachiah, whom you killed between the sanctuary and the altar.

Christ's words again show that there are some persecutions that result in death to those who are persecuted, such as those inflicted against righteous prophets. His words in Matthew 10:21-23 show that when his disciples are being persecuted to death, with blood being shed, they should flee from the place of persecution to a safer place. Therefore a wife who is being persecuted by her husband on account of her righteous works, persecution leading to bloodshed and death, should flee from close proximity to her husband and go to a safer place.

Remain Together With Your Husband Until The Time That He Is Persecuting You To Death

Christ's words in Matthew 5:44 commands his disciples to pray for those who spitefully use them and persecute them. For one to pray for another who is spitefully using one implies that the spiteful use of one by the other does not lead to death. Christ therefore has two different remedies for two categories of persecution. His disciples should pray for their persecutors and those spitefully using them or abusing them. But when such persecution, spiteful use or abuse increases in intensity to the point whereby it leads to death his disciples should flee from that territory of danger to their lives. They should still pray for these persecutors, spiteful users and abusers, but should not remain in close proximity to them. His disciples can therefore remain in close proximity to their persecutors, spiteful users and abusers only until such time as their lives are at risk. But once their lives are at risk they are to flee!

Matters To Consider With Respect To Your Persecution At The Hands Of Your Husband

  1. Is your husband persecuting you, spitefully using you or abusing you?
  2. Is your husband's persecution, spiteful use or abuse of a category leading to death, meaning your life is at risk while you remain in close proximity to him?

Christ's words indicate that we are to patiently endure pain, bearing with unjust suffering, while our lives are not at risk. But once our lives are in danger we are no longer to remain in the vicinity of those causing the danger, but should flee away from their vicinity. A wife who is therefore being persecuted or spitefully used or abused by her husband should remain together with her husband while her life is not at risk. But once this persecution, spiteful use or abuse becomes life threatening she should flee from him and seek physical refuge away from him.

Christ's words also show that those who are persecuted, spitefully used or abused on account of their living according to Christ's words will indeed enter the kingdom of heaven and have a great reward in heaven. And seeing that the great reward in heaven and the kingdom of heaven are substantially greater than anything this world has to offer his disciples should undergo the unjust suffering of this age in order to secure these rewards he promises them.

Are All Wives Who Profess To Follow Christ Truly His Disciples?

The above comments are applicable to disciples who are obedient to the Word. What about those who profess to be disciples but are not obedient to the Word?

Mark 8:34-38 reads,

8:34He called the multitude to himself with his disciples, and said to them, "Whoever wants to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 8:35For whoever wants to save his life will lose it; and whoever will lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. 8:36For what does it profit a man, to gain the whole world, and forfeit his life? 8:37For what should a man give in exchange for his life? 8:38For whoever will be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man also will be ashamed of him, when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels."

Luke 14:25-35 reads,

14:25Now great multitudes went with him. He turned and said to them, 14:26"If anyone comes to me, and doesn’t hate his own father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he can’t be my disciple. 14:27Whoever doesn’t bear his own cross, and come after me, can’t be my disciple. 14:28For which of you, desiring to build a tower, doesn’t first sit down and count the cost, to see if he has enough to complete it? 14:29Or perhaps, when he has laid a foundation, and is not able to finish, everyone who sees begins to mock him, 14:30saying, ‘This man began to build, and wasn’t able to finish.’ 14:31Or what king, as he goes to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? 14:32Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends an envoy, and asks for conditions of peace. 14:33So therefore whoever of you who doesn’t renounce all that he has, he can’t be my disciple. 14:34Salt is good, but if the salt becomes flat and tasteless, with what do you season it? 14:35It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile. It is thrown out. He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

Life as a disciple of Christ is NOT EASY. Only those willing to renounce all that they have, and do indeed renounce all that they have, can truly be Christ's disciples.

Remain In Christ's Word

John 8:31-32 reads,

8:31Jesus therefore said to those Jews who had believed him, "If you remain in my word, then you are truly my disciples. 8:32You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free."

In other words, it is not those who profess to be Christ's disciples who truly are his disciples, but those who remain in his word. And it is not enough to walk in his word for a short period of time, but one must indeed remain in Christ's word through good times and bad, through peaceful times and times of oppression and persecution.

Love Your Husband

John 13:34-35 reads,

13:34A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, just like I have loved you; that you also love one another. 13:35By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

Bear Much Fruit For The Father

John 15:1-11 reads,

15:1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the farmer. 15:2Every branch in me that doesn’t bear fruit, he takes away. Every branch that bears fruit, he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 15:3You are already pruned clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 15:4Remain in me, and I in you. As the branch can’t bear fruit by itself, unless it remains in the vine, so neither can you, unless you remain in me. 15:5I am the vine. You are the branches. He who remains in me, and I in him, the same bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 15:6If a man doesn’t remain in me, he is thrown out as a branch, and is withered; and they gather them, throw them into the fire, and they are burned. 15:7If you remain in me, and my words remain in you, you will ask whatever you desire, and it will be done to you.

15:8"In this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit; and so you will be my disciples. 15:9Even as the Father has loved me, I also have loved you. Remain in my love. 15:10If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and remain in his love. 15:11I have spoken these things to you, that my joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be made full.

15:8 shows that a person becomes a disciple of Christ when she bears much fruit. And she bears much fruit only when she remains in Christ, remains in Christ's word or teaching.

Remain In Christ To Avoid Being Cast Into The Fire

15:6 shows that a person who does not remain in Christ, even though she had been in Christ, is cast into the fire and burns therein! In other words, not all who profess Christ at any given point in time continue on as his disciples and enter the kingdom of heaven. Only those who are faithful to their profession, who remain in Christ's words, will indeed avoid being cast into the fire and will indeed inherit the kingdom of heaven.

Matters To Consider With Respect To Following Christ

  1. Do I deny myself, take up my cross and follow Christ?
  2. What is my cross? Is it the persecution, spiteful use or abuse I receive at the hands of my husband?
  3. Am I seeking to save my life in this world and gain the whole world, or a portion of it?
  4. Am I willing to lose my life in this world for Christ's sake and that of the gospel?
  5. Am I ashamed of Christ and his words, showing this shame by my refusal or unwillingness to live according to Christ's words, thereby not following him despite professing to do so?
  6. Do I value my family members more than I value Christ?
  7. Do I value my own life more than I value Christ?
  8. Am I willing to renounce all that I have for the sake of following Christ?
  9. Have I renounced all that I have for the sake of following Christ?
  10. Have I remained in Christ's word despite the persecutions, spiteful use or abuse that I have received, even receiving these from my husband?
  11. Do I love Christ's disciples?
  12. Do I love Christ's disciples with the love that he loved them and loves them?
  13. Am I bearing much fruit for the Father, as he would have me bear?
  14. Am I in Christ and is he in me?
  15. Am I remaining in Christ and is he in me?

Don't Tear Apart Your Marriage When Yahweh Has Joined It

Matthew 19:4-6 reads,

19:4He answered, "Haven’t you read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, 19:5and said, ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall join to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh?’ 19:6So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, don’t let man tear apart."

  1. Did Yahweh join you together with your husband?
  2. Or did you join yourself to your husband without Yahweh's hand in the matter?

Christ's Words To Wives Is Difficult To Follow

Christ's teaching to his disciples who are wives is NOT EASY! It is a DIFFICULT word that he delivers to his disciples who are wives.

In essence, Christ's disciples who are wives MUST remain together with their husbands under all conditions except when their lives are in danger. They must remain with their husbands even when their husbands are wicked!

To preserve their lives when their lives are in danger from their husbands they should flee from their husbands and seek physical refuge elsewhere. But if their lives are not in danger they should remain together with their husbands, being in subjection to them, and behaving purely before their husbands. Pure behaviour before their husbands includes having a quiet and gentle spirit, and acknowledging their subjection to their husbands by their conduct, including honourably calling them "lord" or "master" or "boss". Also, by behaving purely before their husbands they may indeed win their disobedient husbands to obedience to Christ's word. And by having won them to obedience to Christ's word their persecution, spiteful use or abuse at their husbands' hands will cease, for these previously disobedient husbands will now be obedient to Christ's word. And Christ's word is that we all love one another as he loved and loves us! In addition they should remember that for their persecution they will indeed enter the kingdom of heaven and have a great reward that is in heaven.

Matthew 7:13-14 reads,

7:13"Enter in by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter in by it. 7:14How narrow is the gate, and restricted is the way that leads to life! Few are those who find it.

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