Is It Wrong For An Unmarried Woman To Spend Time With A Married Man?
By Isaac Aluochier
All scripture quotations are from the World English Bible published at http://www.ebible.org/Bible/WEB/.
CONTENTS
Introduction
Some people think that it is wrong for an unmarried woman to spend time with a married man, for their relationship may eventually lead to sex between the woman and the man. Is it wrong for a woman to have sex with a man who is married to another woman?
Genesis 2:24 reads,
2:24
Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh.The Almighty's design for human beings from the time of their creation was that a man take a woman as his wife, and after taking her as his wife sexually enjoin himself to her, thereby becoming one flesh with her.
Sex Authorised Only Between A Man And His Wife
It should be noted that Genesis 2:24 talks of a man having sex with his wife. It does not talk of a man having sex with a woman who is not his wife. Therefore any sex a man has should only be with his wife, and not with an entity not his wife. Likewise any sex a woman has should only be with her husband, and not with an entity not her husband. For Genesis 2:24 does not authorise any sex between a man and a woman who are not husband and wife.
Therefore, Genesis 2:24 does not authorise an unmarried woman having sex with any man not her husband, irrespective of whether or not the man is married to another woman. If the woman is to have sex with the man, that man must indeed be her husband. Implying that the unmarried woman must first become married to the man prior to having sex with him.
Is An Unmarried Woman Allowed To Marry A Man Who Is Already Married?
Can an unmarried woman marry a man who already has a wife? For if she can, and she marries the man, then any sex she subsequently has with the man is authorised by Genesis 2:24. The man would therefore be married to more than one woman, and would be having sex with more than one wife of his.
The Almighty's Servant Abraham Was Married To More Than One Wife
Genesis 16:1-5 shows that Abraham, a servant and prophet of the Almighty, married more than one wife, being married to both Sarah and Hagar. It reads,
16:1
Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, bore him no children. She had a handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. 16:2Sarai said to Abram," See now, Yahweh has restrained me from bearing. Please go in to my handmaid. It may be that I will obtain children by her." Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. 16:3Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her handmaid, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to Abram her husband to be his wife. 16:4He went in to Hagar, and she conceived. When she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes. 16:5Sarai said to Abram, "This wrong is your fault. I gave my handmaid into your bosom, and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes. Yahweh judge between me and you."Genesis 25:6, 1-8 shows that Abraham had concubines (wives). It reads,
25:1
Abraham took another wife, and her name was Keturah. 25:2She bore him Zimran, Jokshan, Medan, Midian, Ishbak, and Shuah. 25:3Jokshan became the father of Sheba, and Dedan. The sons of Dedan were Asshurim, Letushim, and Leummim. 25:4The sons of Midian: Ephah, Epher, Hanoch, Abida, and Eldaah. All these were the children of Keturah. 25:5Abraham gave all that he had to Isaac, 25:6but to the sons of the concubines who Abraham had, Abraham gave gifts. He sent them away from Isaac his son, while he yet lived, eastward, to the east country. 25:7These are the days of the years of Abraham’s life which he lived: one hundred seventy-five years. 25:8Abraham gave up the spirit, and died in a good old age, an old man, and full, and was gathered to his people.Genesis 26:5, 1-5 shows the Almighty informing Abraham's son Isaac that his father Abraham obeyed the Almighty's voice and kept the Almighty's charge, commandments, statutes and laws. It reads,
26:1
There was a famine in the land, besides the first famine that was in the days of Abraham. Isaac went to Abimelech king of the Philistines, to Gerar. 26:2Yahweh appeared to him, and said, "Don’t go down into Egypt. Dwell in the land which I will tell you of. 26:3Sojourn in this land, and I will be with you, and will bless you. For to you, and to your seed, I will give all these lands, and I will establish the oath which I swore to Abraham your father. 26:4I will multiply your seed as the stars of the sky, and will give to your seed all these lands. In your seed will all the nations of the earth be blessed, 26:5because Abraham obeyed my voice, and kept my charge, my commandments, my statutes, and my laws."
It Is Not Disobedience For A Woman To Marry A Man Already Married
Seeing that Abraham was married to more than one wife, and the Almighty testifies that Abraham obeyed him, it must indeed be concluded that a person who has more than one wife is not disobeying the Almighty on account of having more than one wife. And a woman who marries a man who already has a wife is not disobeying the Almighty on account of marrying such a man.
The Almighty's Law Allows A Man To Have More Than One Wife
Exodus 21:7-11 reads,
21:7
"If a man sells his daughter to be a maid-servant, she shall not go out as the men-servants do. 21:8If she doesn’t please her master, who has married her to himself, then he shall let her be redeemed. He shall have no right to sell her to a foreign people, seeing he has dealt deceitfully with her. 21:9If he marries her to his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters. 21:10If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marital rights. 21:11If he doesn’t do these three things for her, she may go free without paying any money.Exodus 21:10 allows a man to take another wife in addition to a maidservant wife that he already has. It should therefore be clear that the Almighty's law allows a man to marry more than one woman, and allows a woman to marry a man who already has a wife.
Deuteronomy 21:15-17 reads,
21:15
If a man have two wives, the one beloved, and the other hated, and they have borne him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers who was hated; 21:16then it shall be, in the day that he causes his sons to inherit that which he has, that he may not make the son of the beloved the firstborn before the son of the hated, who is the firstborn: 21:17but he shall acknowledge the firstborn, the son of the hated, by giving him a double portion of all that he has; for he is the beginning of his strength; the right of the firstborn is his.Deuteronomy 21:15 reiterates that the Almighty's law allows a man to have more than one wife, and allows a woman to be married to a man who has another wife.
The Almighty therefore allows an unmarried woman to marry a man who already has a wife, and to subsequently have sex with this man once he becomes her husband.
It Is Not Wrong For An Unmarried Woman To Spend Time With A Married Man
It is therefore not wrong for an unmarried woman to spend time with a married man simply because their relationship may develop to the point whereby they may have sex. For if their relationship develops to such a point then the woman should marry the man if there is nothing prohibiting her from marrying that man. And once she becomes that man's wife she should have sex with him, as shown by Genesis 2:24.
Christ Confirms That Men With More Than One Wife Will Be In The Kingdom Of Heaven
In Matthew 8:11 Christ said,
8:11
I tell you that many will come from the east and the west, and will sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, in the Kingdom of HeavenChrist has therefore confirmed that Abraham and Jacob, who both had more than one wife, will indeed be in the Kingdom of Heaven.
The Father Sentences Sexually Immoral People To The Lake Of Fire
In Revelation 21:5-8 the Almighty Father says,
21:5
He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." He said, "Write, for these words are faithful and true." 21:6He said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give freely to him who is thirsty from the spring of the water of life. 21:7He who overcomes, I will give him these things. I will be his God, and he will be my son. 21:8But for the cowardly, unbelieving, sinners, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their part is in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death."
Christ Confirms That Sexually Immoral People Will Not Be In Father's Kingdom
In Revelation 22:12-16 Christ says,
22:12
"Behold, I come quickly. My reward is with me, to repay to each man according to his work. 22:13I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. 22:14Blessed are those who do his commandments, that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter in by the gates into the city. 22:15Outside are the dogs, the sorcerers, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood. 22:16I, Jesus, have sent my angel to testify these things to you for the assemblies. I am the root and the offspring of David; the Bright and Morning Star."
Men With More Than One Wife Are Not Sexually Immoral
Seeing that both the Father and Christ say that sexually immoral people will not be in their kingdom, but will instead burn and die in the second death, the lake of fire, it is indeed noted that Abraham and other servants of the Almighty who kept his commandments were not sexually immoral. For Abraham will be in the kingdom of heaven.
A Woman Married To A Man With More Than One Wife Is Not Sexually Immoral
In other words, a man who has more than one wife is not sexually immoral. For if it was sexual immorality for a man to have more than one wife then Abraham would not be in the kingdom of heaven. And if it is not wrong for a man to have more than one wife then it is not wrong for a woman to be married to a man with another wife. For by marrying a man with another wife she is not being sexually immoral, seeing that the Almighty's law allows her to be so married.
1 Peter 3:1-6 reads,
3:1
In like manner, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; so that, even if any don’t obey the Word, they may be gained by the behavior of their wives without a word; 3:2seeing your pure behavior in fear. 3:3Let your beauty be not just the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on fine clothing; 3:4but in the hidden person of the heart, in the incorruptible adornment of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God very precious. 3:5For this is how the holy women before, who hoped in God, also adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands: 3:6as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose children you now are, if you do well, and are not put in fear by any terror.Sarah, Abraham's wife, is testified as having been a holy woman, a holy woman who hoped in the Almighty. She was married to a man with more than one wife. It is therefore the case that a woman can be and remain holy even when she is married to a man with more than one wife.
1 Peter 3:6 shows that women who follow Sarah's good example are indeed termed as her children, even as faithful disciples of Christ are termed as Abraham's children in Galatians 3:7, which reads,
3:7
Know therefore that those who are of faith, the same are sons of Abraham.Seeing that Sarah was holy despite being married to a man with more than one wife, a man of faith, women who follow Sarah's example in being married to men of faith who are married to other women can indeed be holy. In other words, by marrying a man of faith who already has a wife a woman is not being sexually immoral, but acts within the Almighty's law. For the Almighty's law allows her to be married by such a man.
The Almighty Hears The Prayers Of Women Married To A Man With More Than One Wife
1 Samuel 1 & 2 shows that the Almighty hears the prayers of women who are married to men with more than one wife. For when Hannah, one of Elkana's two wives, desired to bear a son she prayed to the Almighty, and the Almighty answered her prayer by giving her a son who was named Samuel. 1 Samuel 1:1-2:11 reads,
1:1
Now there was a certain man of Ramathaim-zophim, of the hill-country of Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah, the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite: 1:2and he had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of other Peninnah: and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children. 1:3This man went up out of his city from year to year to worship and to sacrifice to Yahweh of Hosts in Shiloh. The two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, priests to Yahweh, were there.1:4
When the day came that Elkanah sacrificed, he gave to Peninnah his wife, and to all her sons and her daughters, portions: 1:5but to Hannah he gave a double portion; for he loved Hannah, but Yahweh had shut up her womb. 1:6Her rival provoked her sore, to make her fret, because Yahweh had shut up her womb. 1:7as he did so year by year, when she went up to the house of Yahweh, so she provoked her; therefore she wept, and did not eat. 1:8Elkanah her husband said to her, Hannah, why weep you? And why don’t you eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?1:9
So Hannah rose up after they had eaten in Shiloh, and after they had drunk. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his seat by the door-post of the temple of Yahweh. 1:10She was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to Yahweh, and wept sore. 1:11She vowed a vow, and said, Yahweh of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your handmaid, and remember me, and not forget your handmaid, but will give to your handmaid a man-child, then I will give him to Yahweh all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come on his head. 1:12It happened, as she continued praying before Yahweh, that Eli marked her mouth. 1:13Now Hannah, she spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard: therefore Eli thought she had been drunken. 1:14Eli said to her, How long will you be drunken? Put away your wine from you. 1:15Hannah answered, No, my lord, I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit: I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I poured out my soul before Yahweh. 1:16Don’t count your handmaid for a wicked woman; for out of the abundance of my complaint and my provocation have I spoken hitherto. 1:17Then Eli answered, Go in peace; and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have asked of him. 1:18She said, Let your handmaid find favor in your sight. So the woman went her way, and ate; and her facial expression wasn’t sad any more.1:19
They rose up in the morning early, and worshiped before Yahweh, and returned, and came to their house to Ramah: and Elkanah knew Hannah his wife; and Yahweh remembered her. 1:20It happened, when the time was come about, that Hannah conceived, and bore a son; and she named him Samuel, saying, Because I have asked him of Yahweh.1:21
The man Elkanah, and all his house, went up to offer to Yahweh the yearly sacrifice, and his vow. 1:22But Hannah didn’t go up; for she said to her husband, I will not go up until the child be weaned; and then I will bring him, that he may appear before Yahweh, and there abide forever. 1:23Elkanah her husband said to her, Do what seems you good; wait until you have weaned him; only Yahweh establish his word. So the woman waited and nursed her son, until she weaned him. 1:24When she had weaned him, she took him up with her, with three bulls, and one ephah of meal, and a bottle of wine, and brought him to the house of Yahweh in Shiloh: and the child was young. 1:25They killed the bull, and brought the child to Eli. 1:26She said, Oh, my lord, as your soul lives, my lord, I am the woman who stood by you here, praying to Yahweh. 1:27For this child I prayed; and Yahweh has given me my petition which I asked of him: 1:28therefore also I have granted him to Yahweh; as long as he lives he is granted to Yahweh. He worshiped Yahweh there.2:1
Hannah prayed, and said:My heart exults in Yahweh;
My horn is exalted in Yahweh;
My mouth is enlarged over my enemies;
Because I rejoice in your salvation.
2:2
There is none holy as Yahweh;For there is none besides you,
Neither is there any rock like our God.
2:3
Talk no more so exceeding proudly;Don’t let arrogance come out of your mouth;
For Yahweh is a God of knowledge,
By him actions are weighed.
2:4
The bows of the mighty men are broken;Those who stumbled are girded with strength.
2:5
Those who were full have hired out themselves for bread;Those who were hungry have ceased to hunger:
Yes, the barren has borne seven;
She who has many children languishes.
2:6
Yahweh kills, and makes alive:He brings down to Sheol, and brings up.
2:7
Yahweh makes poor, and makes rich:He brings low, he also lifts up.
2:8
He raises up the poor out of the dust,He lifts up the needy from the dunghill,
To make them sit with princes,
Inherit the throne of glory:
For the pillars of the earth are Yahweh’s,
He has set the world on them.
2:9
He will keep the feet of his holy ones;But the wicked shall be put to silence in darkness;
For by strength shall no man prevail.
2:10
Those who strive with Yahweh shall be broken to pieces;Against them will he thunder in the sky:
Yahweh will judge the ends of the earth;
He will give strength to his king,
Exalt the horn of his anointed.
2:11
Elkanah went to Ramah to his house. The child did minister to Yahweh before Eli the priest.
The Almighty Does Not Hear The Prayers Of Those Living In Sin
Isaiah 59:1-2 reads,
59:1
Behold, Yahweh’s hand is not shortened, that it can’t save; neither his ear heavy, that it can’t hear: 59:2but your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.Seeing that the Almighty does not hear the prayers of those who walk in the way of iniquity and sin, and seeing that he heard Hannah's prayer for a son, it is indeed evident that Hannah was not walking in the way of sin by being married to a man who also had another wife. Therefore showing that it is not sinful or sexually immoral for a woman to be married to a man who also has another wife. And despite being so married by such a man the Almighty will indeed hear her prayers, for being married to such a man is within the Almighty's law.
It Is Not Wrong For An Unmarried Woman To Spend Time With A Married Man
To reiterate, the following should be noted. It is not wrong for a woman to have sex with a man who is married to another woman, provided she first becomes his wife before she has sex with him. It is also not wrong for an unmarried woman to spend time with a married man because their relationship may lead to sex taking place between them. If sex is likely to take place between them they should marry if there is no prohibition to their becoming husband and wife. After they are husband and wife they can have sex within the Almighty's law and should do so.
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